Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
