the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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