so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
