he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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