i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
