it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
