Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
