you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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