i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
