Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
