we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
