May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
