ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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