i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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