he thought i was a dude.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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