the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she told me i tasted like america
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
