I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
