im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
