She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
