It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
