it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
