fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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