He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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