I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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