But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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