Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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