And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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