Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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