You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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