Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
