How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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