we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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