I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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