we're blogging at a bar
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
