Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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