My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
