I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You work out of a Hotel?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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