we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
