I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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