I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
