I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
