How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
