have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
