when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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