well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
