that's an acceptable place to lick
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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