the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
