i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
