There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
youre lurking in front of me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
