I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize