my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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