franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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