i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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