We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
