Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
