I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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