So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
