I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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