Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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