why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love you. Go after that dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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