at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
